Sunday, January 25, 2009

I'm scared. He didn't talk to me at all last night. I was on the phone with him and all of a sudden he hung up. I am hoping that he just fell asleep cause he was really tired....but something tells me it's something else...But if he is ignoring me I have no clue what I did. I know it shouldn't matter this much but it does. I am slowly falling apart at the seams. Last night I relapsed. Nobody really knows what that means except for him and Megan. I don't want to do this anymore. I don't want to relapse. I want to be healthy!!! But I need people who will be there for me and help me. The one person who I thought would always be there for me wouldn't answer the motherfucking phone. I need someone to talk to when I lose control! I thought I could always call him if I needed him...but I guess not. WHY CAN'T ANYBODY HELP ME!? I NEED HELP..I NEED PEOPLE WHO WILL BE THERE FOR ME. But when I one is there....

Saturday, January 24, 2009


I am SO fucking tired of people saying I have changed. IT'S HIGH SCHOOL. EVERYONE CHANGES. It's fucking part of growing up. It's whether you change for the better or for the worst. I made some stupid decisions but that doesn't make me a fucking bad person. But seriously everybody changes. If you love that person you will love them anyway. Unless they change for the worst, then you try and help them. But you know what I mean. Stop saying that some person is changing and look at yourself. I'm betting your not the person you were 5 months ago. People grow up, have life experiences. It changes things. Sometimes you can't go back sometimes you can. Just think before you say someone is changing. Cause you are changing to.


My other blog was incredibly stupid. So, I deleted the posts so I could write in this one :] Well....I'm grounded will march 1st. Which totally kills everything I was going to do in the next month and a half. I will be grounded on Valentine's day which will SUCKK. Cause this year I actually have someone to do stuff with on Valentine's day♥ Anyway...This weekend is going to be horribly boring. Just me messing around with my new haircut and talking to Brandon. But yesterday...yesterday was really fun XD Megan, Brandon, and I were messing around for awhile. Hung out in Kuthford's office for awhile. People thought we were really weird xD. Which in Kuthford's office is a great achievement. Then we went to the Boher park vending machines. SNICKERS BARS!!!. hehe you don't get it :P maybe if I love you I will tell you XD We went into the family chill yah know :] But OMG after megan left a cop knocked on the door. It was so funny. We let her in and she thought we were doing drugs. But she was really chill and just told us to get the fuck out. Brandon and I went to a disclosed location after that. We can't tell you cause it special and we don't want people like you going there. It was so nice outside. The sun made me rather happy inside :] I had my two favorite things with me. Brandon and the sun♥ I could have stayed at our "disclosed location" forever. It was perfect :] And when you think about's moments like that that you will remember when you are old and can't remember shit. The time's when you were absolutely and perfectly incandescently happy. At that moment I had everything I had ever wanted. A warm afternoon spent with the person who has my heart♥ You are the jelly to my peanut butter, cupcake XD Ok this has turned incredibly sappy but right now I could give a fuck. You have my heart and I want you to keep it safe. I'm not going any where ♥
I will probably get bored and blog again later :]
I love you, brandon